Section 4C: How to manage conversations and get everyone involved in your peer support group

Getting conversation flowing between group members can be hard sometimes. You want to offer somewhere members can feel comfortable sharing. This section shares some tips and tools to help you create the right environment.

Build the confidence of group members to share

Getting conversations going in group

Meeting with other kinship carers for the first time is a big deal for many. It might be the first time you can talk to others who understand what it’s like. Conversation can quickly flow around the challenges, local support available or how a child is doing.

But sometimes, especially in a very new group, it can take some effort to get the conversation started. You will have to facilitate the group (find out more about facilitation later in this section).

Starting conversations

Find out how you can get conversation going in your group and create a space where everyone can contribute. Keith (kinship carer and support group leader) and Rachael (Kinship staff member) share their tips.

Duration: 3 mins 57 secs

Does everyone need to be involved in group discussion?

No. Everyone in group has a choice about how they take part in group discussion. Sometimes group members might feel happy to talk and share, but other days they might just want to listen. You can find out more about choice and control group members have in Section 4E.

Sometimes group members, especially if they are new, can feel nervous about sharing or joining in. They might not feel comfortable and trusting of the space. This will come in time, but below are some tools that can help draw them into conversation.

Conversation starters you can use

It’s important to let the group flow as much as possible rather than following a rigid agenda, but there could be times when conversation may slow down or stop completely.

As a group leader it is your role to move things on and having some conversation starters in your mind is a great way to avoid uncomfortable silences. Some might be everyday life questions, others might be around kinship care.

Here are some you could try:

How has your week been?
Have you seen the recent email from Kinship?
Has anyone seen anything good on TV recently?
Is anyone reading a good book they could recommend?
What plans do people have this weekend?
What kind of training did you do when you became a kinship carer?
Have you heard about/done any training about…
- looking after children with ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences)?
- first aid?
- attachment disorders?
- parenting skills?
- internet safety?
- young people’s mental health?

Lots of these topics will be relevant to most carers at some point and any answers will likely help others, as well as helping people get to know each other and forming friendships within the group.

Icebreakers – a helpful tool to warm up the group

An icebreaker is an activity or game designed to welcome people and warm up the conversation when you come together as a group.

Icebreakers can be really helpful if your group is still new and everyone is still getting to know one another. They’re also great if someone new joins your group. Maybe for their second session you could introduce one as a way to meet everyone in a fun way. On their first session it might be too overwhelming.

Here are some examples you could use:

The No Smiling Icebreaker

Tell everyone they can’t smile during the first five minutes of the meeting. You’ll be amazed at how funny some people become when they’re not allowed to smile!

Toilet Paper Icebreaker

To play, pass a roll of toilet paper around and ask everyone to rip off how much they would usually use. Everyone will probably be quite confused!

When the toilet paper makes it all the way around the circle, have everyone count their squares. The number of squares each person took is the number of fun facts they have to reveal about themselves.

Mindfulness Icebreaker

If members are feeling stressed, especially about the meeting itself, then they might not be able to concentrate on anything else. You could reduce stress by starting the meeting with a mindfulness icebreaker.

Start with three minutes of silent contemplation, and then have everyone write down what is causing the stress. When everyone finishes writing, tell them to rip up their stress. Put all the scraps together in a bowl on the table. They have been shared but those thoughts are no longer the focus.

Relaxation activity

This short activity shows how to use relaxation techniques when things feel a bit hectic or noisy.

Explain that some situations or lots of noise and activity can make people feel worried or tense. It is important to recognise that when they feel like this, they need to do something about it.

Ask the group what they do when they feel stressed, anxious or angry. For example, at home do they find a quiet space in their room or in the garden? Find out from each person where they go when they need to relax or have some quiet time. Ask whether other people leave them in peace when they go somewhere quiet to try to relax.

You could ask people whether they have a way of indicating to others that they are trying to relax and would like not to be disturbed. You could suggest ideas such as having a sign on their bedroom door.

Move on to discuss ways of managing stress through breathing. Ask people to:

sit comfortably, relax their body and close their eyes
put one hand on the top half of their chest and feel themselves breathing in and out for a few minutes
put their hand on their lower chest and try to take deeper/bigger breaths so that they can feel their hand moving
continue to take deep slow breaths for a few minutes

If people find this deep breathing difficult, you could suggest instead that they focus on where their feet or hands are resting and just relax thinking about this.

Afterwards ask how it felt to do the breathing or focusing on their hands/feet exercise. Explain that it usually gets easier to relax the more often you do it.

What is facilitation and why is it important?

As a group leader, you are a facilitator. This means you are responsible for guiding and managing the group, including through discussion. You listen and understand how the group are working together, not just what is being said, but also looking out for the emotions being felt.

For example, someone in group might be sharing a difficult situation that happened recently. Their words might trigger strong feelings in someone else in the group. They might become upset or look uncomfortable, so offer reassurance, or invite them to speak. Watch out for these signs and support both individuals as much as you can. It’s not always easy.

As well as managing the conversation, you should also be mindful of:

communicating clearly using words that everyone can relate to (avoid jargon and complicated words)
asking questions to prompt others to share or to dig a little deeper where you can see an opportunity for others to learn from what is being said
coming prepared for the session – have everything ready for when members arrive
following up on anything you or another group member promises to share, for example, information on a local group or point of contact at your local authority
active listening – concentrate on what is being said and be fully aware of how the person is feeling, rather than nodding along and thinking of something else
good timekeeping – time can disappear in group, but make sure the group starts and finishes on time to respect other commitments each person may have
being objective and respectful of difference – you should not take sides or force your views on others
creating a focussed space where the group is not interrupted or members distracted – this might mean allowing time for individual conversations at the beginning of the group but then everyone comes together for one focussed discussion

You might want to build in some of the skills above into your group agreement, as values all of the group should respect.

The icebreakers and conversation starters mentioned above, as well as tips from Keith in the video, can all be handy tools you can use to facilitate the group. You want to create a space where everyone has the chance to talk and share in a way that works for them.

As a facilitator, you are looking at what the group or individuals need to feel comfortable and supported. But remember, you are also part of the group, so although it might feel like you have all the responsibility, your comfort and needs are just as important and should be respected too.